Office Arguments

5 Ways To End Office Arguments 

We have all been in meetings or conversations where some wise guy (or gal) has felt the need to poke the proverbial elephant in the room, attack other people’s opinions, bring up heated issues from the past, or play the blame game. What usually occurs afterwards is a flaming tailspin of morale and an outbreak of arguing, and no one leaves without bitter feelings.

These types of scenarios leave us all asking, isn’t there a better way? 

Yes, there is! Recently, I experienced how careful planning and meaningful conversation can head off this negative pattern of conversational destruction, leave everyone’s self-respect and dignity intact, and heck, maybe even allow you to make actual progress during meetings and conversations, instead of just banging your head against the table. 

Let me introduce you to Vanessa Agnew, our company’s CMO.

Last month, Ms. Agnew called a meeting to discuss our company’s website launch progress. This may seem like no big deal, but over the past few months, these meetings had started to resemble an active volcano, ready to erupt at any minute. Tensions ran high, there were verbal attacks, and little ever got accomplished. To say the least, no one looked forward to them.

During this particular meeting, Mr. Albertus from finance gave his report and mentioned that the CFO had not approved the additional $5,000 the tech team had requested to complete the website project. A black cloud descended on the room and the finger-pointing and insults commenced. 

Just as it started to look like this meeting would become another casualty of infighting, something unusual happened: 

Ms. Agnew calmly got our attention and asked us to return to that discussion at the end of the meeting. After a couple of minutes, we all regrouped and continued the meeting. 

However, as I started to report on the technical status of the project and give a summary of the team’s expectations, another argument almost broke out, as the production team started pointing out my team’s failure to deliver certain functionalities on time. 

Before I could retaliate, Ms. Agnew stopped me and redirected the conversation again. She encouraged us to move past our usual blamefest and started engaging us in solution-driven conversation by asking opinions and giving everyone a chance to express their views. 

Once we pushed our emotions to the side and stopped trying to defend our failures by pointing out other teams’ faults, the environment calmed, we started being more friendly to each other, and we started finding solutions to our problems. 

Then, just as we thought things couldn’t get any better, the marketing team, whose presentation usually focused only on the shortcomings of the project, seemed to have made a complete turnaround. They talked about their plan for the coming weeks, along with dependencies for all of us. Their meticulous planning, passion, and confidence was contagious, and they left us with no objections.

Once her team had completed their presentation, Ms. Agnew encouraged us all to continue to work together toward the desired outcome, even though we faced many challenges.  There was no hesitation and no doubt in her voice, as if she could see the destination vividly. 

There was a renewed enthusiasm in the room, and we all quickly agreed on a plan of action for the following weeks to bring the project back on schedule.

Mr. Cobus, the new project manager, closed the meeting by going over the main points we had discussed. He also provided the following five points to help us stop the arguing and have more meaningful conversations in the future:

1.    Always prepare for a meeting beforehand. Know what you will discuss and make sure that you have any necessary information on hand. Preparing for objections and difficult conversations will allow you to have meaningful discussions and help you avoid feeling like you have to be on the defensive.

2.    Have desired outcomes in mind and work toward meeting them by having meaningful conversations and negotiating with others.

3.     Fortify yourself in the truth of what you are going to say, and rely on your strength to carry you through the conversation. Hesitation and fear will keep you from communicating effectively and reaching your goal.

 4.    Be assertive, not aggressive, so your voice will be heard, and others will feel safe enough to state their opinions and opposing views without the fear of confrontation. Here is a great article on

"How to resolve office arguments"

5. Listen to others and show your respect for what they have to say, even if it differs from your viewpoint. This will build trust and open the door for better collaboration. 

Since that fateful day, our meetings have improved—but our productivity has soared. 

I invite you to start using these five rules for having meaningful conversations and to watch how things change for you!