Simple Tips To Avoid Self Pity

Simple 6 Tips On How To Deal With Disappointment

Source: Self Pity

1. Express your emotions.
2. Follow the attitude of gratitude
3. Acceptance is the most powerful tool to avoid unhappiness
4. Avoid instant reaction. Wait before you react.
5. Mistakes are the pillar of success
6. Take care of your health

Stay focussed

"Stay focused, go after your dreams and keep moving toward your goals." LL Cool J

How  to stay focused at work

The focus is something of a novelty these days, but it's not easy. The focus is not something that automatically switches on when you want to. You have to make sure your surroundings are perfect for working if you want to be focused. Today's workplace is full of stress that often results in attention deficit - people feel impatient, distracted and rushed.

Staying focus at work 

As per research by Gloria Mark, a professor in the department of Informatics at the University of California the length of time office workers focuses on a computer screen before shifting their attention dropped to 1 minute, 15 seconds in 2012—down from 2 minutes, 18 seconds in 2008.

Experts believe this is a worldwide epidemic. This challenge can be addressed  by proper planning and forming good habits. 

24 tips to form good habits to remain more productive at work and successful at managing crisis, which are not rare at the workplace.

1. Declutter your work area and have a comfortable chair in your work place.  
2. Do the things which you like to do
3. Be passionate in your work
4. Have a clear agenda
5. Do necessary communication and may be over communication better.
6. Avoid negative mindsets like 'nothing is working'. 
7. I normally have a separate userid and password to access computer for work so that I can't access Gmail, Yahoo, Facebook, Twitter  from that account. Also. I would recommend to work offline to avoid instant message system like Lync. Here are 10 top tech time saving tips. 
8. I don't suggest to follow a "to do" as it creates stress. You should know your critical activity and have a plan to finish them. You can have a long term 'To Do ' list say for 3 months.
9. Keep water and coffee near to your room. Avoid any gossip near the coffee machine. If you are a smoker (bad for you) never go  with a group. 
10. Never plan parallel work because we human beings can do best output if we work in a sequential way. Always do a small chunk of work. Here is an interesting video by Paolo Cardini: Forget multitasking, try monotasking
11. Never procrastinate  to avoid living in an always urgent syndrome. 
12. Try to avoid unplanned meeting or a long conversation with somebody
13. Take calculated risks for success. Avoid fear of losing
14. Know your customers. This is big as you actually work for them. 
15. Avoid taking rash decisions and behaviors.
16. If you are distracted by noise, use headphones and music. You can use a device like Joe, a small gadget that blocks all surrounding noises.
17. Give yourself enough rest and relaxation outside of work, so that you can come to work and put in your best. Talk to people who are not part of business life.
18. Keep your personal life, or any personal problems at home. Distractions can lead to mistakes, and mistakes, large or small, can affect how your supervisors view and respond to you.
19. Avoid saying 'Yes' for all work
20. Don't set up unrealistic expectations 
21. Will power and discipline might not keep you focused for a long time. So, you also need to structure your environment also.
22. Award yourself  and stop comparing yourself with others.
23. Practice mediation, daily exercise and self introspection 
24. Align yourself with your company's purpose. This will give you a sense of fulfillment and happiness at work.  

Anna Vital's super cool infographics on how to stay focused at work and increase productivity.

How to stay focused

You need to do a deep soul search and introspection to identify which are the actual culprits for your attention deficit trait and make a plan to overcome it. I recommend to read  Driven to Distraction at Work: How to Focus and Be More Productive by HBR press. 

Click the link to get best career advice.

Do not gossip at work

“A slip of the foot, you may soon recover, but a slip of the tongue you may never get over” – Benjamin Franklin.

Gossip

In the workplace, it is prudent never to say something behind someone’s back that you wouldn’t say to his or her face.

 Not only does gossiping make you look petty and unprofessional, but also the gossip will most likely find its way back to the person you talked about, creating tension in the workplace. If you have to talk about someone, do it away from work, and to someone that has no connection to your workplace, like a spouse, friend, or pet.

It destroys your image, team morale, productivity.

When gossip is good?

Dr Bianca Beersma and Professor Gerben Van Kleef, researchers at the Department of Work and Organisational Psychology at the University of Amsterdam found that gossip serves as a kind of “social cement” and that organizations can “benefit from gossip that is instigated for positive reasons”.

The team of researchers who work with Dr Beersma and Professor Van Kleef on this ongoing study found that as much as two-thirds of our conversation is gossip, but it is not necessarily nasty. Instead, the study found that gossip is used to warn colleagues about workmates who are not pulling their weight or should not be trusted. Fear of gossip can also ensure that lazy workers fall into line and do their bit. “The threat of gossip seems to function as social pressure that motivates group members to ‘stay in line’ and behave in accordance with what they think their group members want them to do”, said Dr Beersma of the research.

 Here is a great article on New Managers: 5 Ways To Stop Negative Office Gossip

My Career Expectation

Tips On Career Expectation and Goal setting

Are you sure about about your career expectation?

This is more important than setting a goal. Always keep your career goals updated and at the front of your mind, and do not settle for less than you expect.

One way to stay motivated and on track is to write down your career goals for 1 year, 5 years, and 10 years, marking them off as you obtain them. Another way is to create a vision board, where you have all of your goals represented in pictures or photos. Keep your goals or vision board where you can see them every day, and never stop working toward them.

Don’t give up on yourself, and you will see that you can make your goals a reality.

Protect Your Career Expectation From These Nine  Sins

1. Getting complacent with your present career. 

2. Not doing active networking outside your known circle. If you are technical guru, make networking with finance people.

3. Failing to track your achievements and collecting letters of recommendation

4. Underestimate your worth 

5. Don't plan your career based on your core values and strengths

6. Not getting enough transferable skills

7. Not learning how to negotiate and winning arguments without being emotional

8. Keep yourself organized

9. Have you though about any possible second career?

Goodwill in relationship

Use Goodwill in Relationship

You don’t want your workplace to be a battleground, where you constantly have to watch your back or worry that someone will betray you. Be friendly and respectful to others you work with, and in return, you will receive a network of people who are willing to help you.

To advance your career, you must know how to win office arguments.

My other recommendation is read the book the "48  Laws of Power" which I consider ABSOLUTELY must to overcome office politics.

Office Arguments

5 Ways To End Office Arguments 

We have all been in meetings or conversations where some wise guy (or gal) has felt the need to poke the proverbial elephant in the room, attack other people’s opinions, bring up heated issues from the past, or play the blame game. What usually occurs afterwards is a flaming tailspin of morale and an outbreak of arguing, and no one leaves without bitter feelings.

These types of scenarios leave us all asking, isn’t there a better way? 

Yes, there is! Recently, I experienced how careful planning and meaningful conversation can head off this negative pattern of conversational destruction, leave everyone’s self-respect and dignity intact, and heck, maybe even allow you to make actual progress during meetings and conversations, instead of just banging your head against the table. 

Let me introduce you to Vanessa Agnew, our company’s CMO.

Last month, Ms. Agnew called a meeting to discuss our company’s website launch progress. This may seem like no big deal, but over the past few months, these meetings had started to resemble an active volcano, ready to erupt at any minute. Tensions ran high, there were verbal attacks, and little ever got accomplished. To say the least, no one looked forward to them.

During this particular meeting, Mr. Albertus from finance gave his report and mentioned that the CFO had not approved the additional $5,000 the tech team had requested to complete the website project. A black cloud descended on the room and the finger-pointing and insults commenced. 

Just as it started to look like this meeting would become another casualty of infighting, something unusual happened: 

Ms. Agnew calmly got our attention and asked us to return to that discussion at the end of the meeting. After a couple of minutes, we all regrouped and continued the meeting. 

However, as I started to report on the technical status of the project and give a summary of the team’s expectations, another argument almost broke out, as the production team started pointing out my team’s failure to deliver certain functionalities on time. 

Before I could retaliate, Ms. Agnew stopped me and redirected the conversation again. She encouraged us to move past our usual blamefest and started engaging us in solution-driven conversation by asking opinions and giving everyone a chance to express their views. 

Once we pushed our emotions to the side and stopped trying to defend our failures by pointing out other teams’ faults, the environment calmed, we started being more friendly to each other, and we started finding solutions to our problems. 

Then, just as we thought things couldn’t get any better, the marketing team, whose presentation usually focused only on the shortcomings of the project, seemed to have made a complete turnaround. They talked about their plan for the coming weeks, along with dependencies for all of us. Their meticulous planning, passion, and confidence was contagious, and they left us with no objections.

Once her team had completed their presentation, Ms. Agnew encouraged us all to continue to work together toward the desired outcome, even though we faced many challenges.  There was no hesitation and no doubt in her voice, as if she could see the destination vividly. 

There was a renewed enthusiasm in the room, and we all quickly agreed on a plan of action for the following weeks to bring the project back on schedule.

Mr. Cobus, the new project manager, closed the meeting by going over the main points we had discussed. He also provided the following five points to help us stop the arguing and have more meaningful conversations in the future:

1.    Always prepare for a meeting beforehand. Know what you will discuss and make sure that you have any necessary information on hand. Preparing for objections and difficult conversations will allow you to have meaningful discussions and help you avoid feeling like you have to be on the defensive.

2.    Have desired outcomes in mind and work toward meeting them by having meaningful conversations and negotiating with others.

3.     Fortify yourself in the truth of what you are going to say, and rely on your strength to carry you through the conversation. Hesitation and fear will keep you from communicating effectively and reaching your goal.

 4.    Be assertive, not aggressive, so your voice will be heard, and others will feel safe enough to state their opinions and opposing views without the fear of confrontation. Here is a great article on

"How to resolve office arguments"

5. Listen to others and show your respect for what they have to say, even if it differs from your viewpoint. This will build trust and open the door for better collaboration. 

Since that fateful day, our meetings have improved—but our productivity has soared. 

I invite you to start using these five rules for having meaningful conversations and to watch how things change for you!

Find a mentor

How To Find A Mentor To Be Successful 

Yes, you may be a superwoman, but the truth is that you can't do everything on your own. Be it a job or business. A different perspective is what you need to go higher and farther.

Finding a mentor is hard, but finding a good one can change your life.

Why finding a mentor is so important?

A mentor in general somebody who already walked the same path as you and had  relevant experience. A mentor can diagnose where you are currently succeeding and failing. You can build a plan with your mentor to increase the probability of your success. .

7  Tips To Find A Mentor Now

1. Try  to join and speak at conferences and seminars. These are the great places to know people. You can join your local chamber of commerce that  is an excellent place to start. Chambers of commerce often host networking events and meetings that bring beginning entrepreneurs and successful business people together. You should talk to people, listen to their stories  to get more insides of what they do. Find  a possible mentor and pursue further meetings because you can learn from them.

2. Go to online routes like reading blogs, listening to podcasts, joining Facebook groups, joining conferences, participating in a mastermind group.

3. Identify and define what you expect from a mentor. The clearer your expectations, the more you can focus on what you need. Setting forth your expectations up front allows you to manage effectively  the relationship.

4. Mentors need to be people – who know how you think, act, communicate and contribute.

5. Take more responsibility, contribute to the success of your would-be mentor. Have the mentality of the giver.

6. Be sure that you choose someone who has experience and connections within your area and level of business

7. Just get out there and find the right mentor to help you along the path to success. You can try the website like FindAMentor.com  is a free self-serve web matching service for mentors and mentee’s.

The bottom line is - real mentors are interested in helping others succeed. You need to find them and make them interested in  your success.

Click here to read the next article on the best career advice: goodwill in the relationship

Best Career Advice For Young Women

53  Career Guidance Tips for Women 

"A career is not just about earning an income. It is about pursuing the essence of your life." - Terry


As women in the 21st century, we have the distinct advantage of having more career opportunities available to us than our mothers, grandmothers, or great grandmothers.

We should take advantage of these opportunities.

According to Forbes, women now make up the majority of university students, including those at the graduate level.

Additionally, we are seeing more and more women becoming CEOs in the Fortune 500 companies.
However, as far as we have come since the early days of women’s liberation, women still face unique difficulties in navigating the workplace, which can negatively influence performance, opportunities for advancement, and can even push a woman’s professional goal beyond reach.

Gender Differences:

The cold, hard truth is that men and women are viewed differently in the business world, often to the detriment of those of the feminine gender.

Why, one might ask? 

One explanation is that women, in general, prefer to maintain the status quo, rather than making waves, and this tendency to avoid attracting attention to themselves can translate into fewer promotions, opportunities, and perhaps most importantly, a lack of respect in the workplace.

“The secret of getting ahead is getting started”. – Sall Berger  

Taking Advantage of Opportunities

 Now that we have discussed the drawbacks of being a woman in the workplace, we will also discuss the advantages you have as a woman.
It is to your advantage that women are traditionally less expensive to hire. This gives you an added advantage against men, as a company might be more likely to hire you, giving you the opportunity to prove your worth by becoming indispensable in your company.

Career Building Tips for Making the Most of Your Career

Find a Mentor

“The question isn’t who’s going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me”. - Ayn Rand.

The following are 53 career-building tips that you can use to advance your career quickly and more easily.  Read through each point and decide what you are already doing well, what needs improvement, and what you really need to work on to improve your image, character and your relationships at work.

53 career advices

1. Finding a  mentor

2. Maintain goodwill in the relationship

3. Keep your career expectation high

4. Is gossip at work good?

5. Stay focused

6. Be honest

No legacy is so rich as Honesty. ~ William Shakespeare

Being honest, in every situation, is the mark of a reputable and trustworthy person. When you lie, people always know, whether consciously or unconsciously. Remember, it is always easier to tell the truth than to remember a web of lies. Here is a great article  "The Vital Importance of Being Honest in the Workplace"by Dr. Mala.

7. Remain above the fray

Maintaining an air of aloofness is not always easy, but keeping yourself out of office politics and infighting will help you keep your integrity and professional image. Remaining neutral and positive is your best move when petty arguments arise.

8. Keep learning

The difference between those who are successful and those who are not, is that those who are successful never stop learning. They don’t go home and plop down in front of the TV; they read a book. They don’t spend the weekend puttering around the house; they go to lectures and conventions.
If you think you know everything you need to know, then you are already at the place you want to be in your career. If that is not true, then you need to keep learning and adding to your skill base to continue to advance.

9. Cultivate curiosity

Knowing where you want to go in life can help you see your many weaknesses that still need cultivating. Maybe you need to improve your speaking and presentation skills, or maybe you need to become a better relationship builder. No matter what you lack, create and unquenchable thirst for being your best, and start seeking out opportunities to improve your skills and talents.

10. Be an active listener

Most people think of what they are going to say next while the other person talks. But highly effective people are active listeners. Make an effort to really focus on what the other person is saying, and try to understand everything they are conveying to you.

11. Be positive

No one likes a person who is always dwelling on the negative, and negative people rarely find their way to the top. Why? Because negative people don’t believe that success is possible, so they don’t have a reason to try or to find a way through tough situations.
A positive attitude will carry you through when times are tough, which makes it essential for success.
12. Master small talk
Master the art of small talk. Interact with coworkers in a relaxed and open manner.
13. Be persistent
If you do not succeed, try again and keep up hope for success.
14. Be expressive
Your face can reveal a lot about what you are thinking; be cautious and have that at the back of your mind.
15. Be honorable
Do not play die hard with competitors.
16. Be patient
Patience will serve you well in nearly any business transaction.
17. Do not give in to regret
Learn to convert problems into opportunities.
18. Wake early
Be ready to face the day before you get to work.
19. Meditate daily
A clear mind is imperative for getting ahead.
20. Exercise often
A healthy body is essential to a healthy mind.
21. Walk daily
A 30 minutes walk helps to keep you centered and focused.
22. Sleep well
Getting enough sleep is a good way to reduce stress and avoid illness.
23. Be happy
Being satisfied with your current job can help you advance more quickly.
24. Keep your personal life tidy
Problems in your home life can bleed into your work.
25. Dress for success
Choose clothing that is appropriate for your workplace.
26. Have a goal
Setting goals is important; be ready to change your goals, if necessary.
27. Take action
Do not be afraid to pursue any opportunity.
28. Motivate yourself with small changes
Small achievements give you motivation for larger changes.
29. Refine your skills
Industries change; you must be prepared to change with them.
30. Gather input
Talk to friends and colleagues and find out what they would change about you.
31. Take criticism well
Be willing to take criticism and change accordingly
32. Do not be emotional
Rely on logic and remove emotion from the equation.
33. Understand the word “no”
Do not be afraid to say it; be able to hear it.
34. Be creative
Learn to think outside the box.
35. Do not try to please everyone
There will always be some opposition to your ideas.
36. Be fashionable
Cultivate a classy, elegant style; do not be outdated.
37. Learn to network
Networking is one of the most powerful tools available to you.
As Julie Winkle says “Today, the lines between mentoring and networking are blurring, welcome to the world of networking.”
38. Leave ego out of it
 Do not make hasty decisions based on your ego.
39. Do not complain
Complaining does not solve anything; take appropriate action instead.
40. Volunteer
When something needs to be done, make yourself available.
41. Disagree privately
Do not disagree with a supervisor in front of others; do it privately.
42. Negotiate well
Do not be afraid to negotiate; learn to do it well and often.
43. Build your own style
Do your work in a way that works well for you.
44. Build your brand
Draw attention to your contributions.
45. Handle money wisely
Good credit is essential for a good job.
46. Be genuine
Show warmth when dealing with others.
47. Identify the decision maker
Know who you should be working with and work closely with them.
48. Know your prospective employer
Understand their requirements and strive to meet them.
49. Learn to live with uncertainty
Sometimes, circumstances can be unpredictable. Always be prepared.
50. Take vacations
Annual vacations refresh your mind and revive flagging energies.
51. Plan your legacy
Be prepared for entrepreneurship and plan a proper legacy.
52. Build a viable team
Your team should be supportive and cohesive.
53. Be a high performer not a workaholic
Put 100% of your time at the right time & deliver with high quality

Be Bold – Take Action!

Anne Sweeney, a well-known American executive, once said, “Define success by your own terms, achieves it by your own rules, and build a life you’re proud to live.”

There is no easy way to becoming a success.  It takes hard work, lots of time and a firm understanding of how to implement the tips contained here.  I invite you to bookmark this page, leave your comments and check back often; I will be discussing each of these tips in detail in future posts.